This is such a tricky topic and often comes with pain and heartache, but I wanted to share my story so far via artworks because I know there are other people who have also been there (or currently still ‘there’…in the uncertainty or waiting or disappointment)

Firstly, whenever you see posts about this, you never know the amount of time or heartache behind the positive post. Since 2023, I numbed myself out and put my fertility disappointment into a box so I could enjoy the kids I was around and not be resentful or sad. Numbness was the price to pay to keep going and not be bitter. I’m sure there are better ways to manage but that was mine..

This year, we tried IVF. The first two pieces (a poem and drawing) were created during the first round.

Artwork made during injection and retrieval stage of ivf. That stage is no joke. “The holy jar” poem visual correspondent

This was in the ‘in between’ stage of waiting for the outcome of our IVF round. The character is clouded, and doesn’t know what’s next.

Artwork made around implantation time. The heart was injected into the holy room and grabbed on. The Holy Spirit maintenance man figure was waiting in the room already.

“Trimester One Studio Spill” this was was based on a big water stain, it would have been easier to discard but I wanted to reflect the sense of lack of control of this stage- feeling sick, having no control of how the journey will play out- and building in details around the new life. This reflects the absolute tiredness and “upside downness” of trimester one

Working titles for this one..

‘Celery Fields Forever’

‘Heaven is through a door in a celery field’

‘Ode to first trimester cravings’

‘Expecting to eat more celery’

I woke up roughly every two hours in trimester two. I got ALOT of reading in.

“Fish Kicks” Trimester 2, first feeling movement.

“We Have Long Arms To Hold You” Trimester 2

“I Am Your Place Of Safety” 2026, Trimester 2

This artwork is a parallel conversation between God and I and unborn baby and I.

I expect this series will continue on, but wanted to share these parts of the journey so far. If anyone is struggling in any of these phases or wants to chat about this, please reach out! Lanisarty@icloud.com. x