I drew it in 2013, when i was about 19, and quite between two different worlds. I was struggling to choose which door to go through.
One door represented playfulness, childlike-ness, perhaps immaturity or foolishness, perhaps going out and doing irresponsible things: perhaps wanting to dodge responsibility. I have no comment on whether that door was ‘good’ or ‘bad’ it just was.
The other door represented different shoulds: my projected world of ‘grown up’ decisions which I viewed as banal, uninteresting, and hollow. This world seemed to consist mostly of making money, being highly responsible, and boring. The girl walking through that door would say things like ‘I should get a stable job to pay the bills’ or ‘I should choose convention because it’s safe’
In the drawing I ask the little maintenance man who is painting the walls which universe or door to go into. He was (and is) wise, and always knows how to help me.
His response was: ‘Don’t Stress, Just Nap’ In other words: Stop shoulding all over yourself, you have some time, you can be both playful and responsible, you don’t have to make it such a dichotomous choice right now.
In hindsight, I can also see that choosing either door because i felt I ‘should’ wouldn’t have lead to fulfilment. Making decisions out of some misguided obligation or sense of duty can never lead to true contentment.
‘Shoulds’ hold you to ransom and never let you make choices out of freedom.
Also, if you aren’t ready to walk through a particular door, you just aren’t ready, and that is okay too.
I’m glad I could rest in the ‘waiting room:’ the room designed for me that was void of both recklessness and the empty pursuit of stability. The maintenance man there is always better company than the other choices I was staring down.
The different doors still pop up from time to time and I think we are continually faced with those kind of decisions. I should go through this one, shouldn’t I? Which universe should I choose?
I think if I asked again today, the answer would be: Choose the universe that you can be yourself in. Choose the one you are ready for.